Of Facing Fears

   In my life, I had proven several times that it is on the confusion that we can be pushed to make things become more understandable. Each of us has stories of doubts and fear. Those were truly interesting and powerful stories worthy to be shared. It is never easy to be in those moments of anxieties and ambiguities--- if you could only skip the feeling, right? Yet, from the instant we decided to face them no matter how afraid we were and then just find ourselves holding on to our faith, we are giving way to another set of stories in our lives. This time, however, it’s not about the doubt and the fear anymore but of courage, success and deliverance, just like this story from Misyon’s Hideaway section entitled Cautious.

     My story in writing is also a story of facing fear.

   I had so many doubts when I started sharing my story---with all the emotions that comes with it, misunderstanding and instabilities, pain or lack of faith. Yet I just grip to the fact that I had always been inspired every time I listen to the story of others. That led me to the first step of being open for these experiences that could both uplift us and put us down; the experiences that come from courageous act of sharing our emotions and feelings with others; the act of laughing with them, becoming teary-eyed with them, and being strengthened by them. It is truly a blessing to hear the experiences of other people, learn from them and draw insights from their story.

     When I listen to the story of my friends and those I had worked with before, I had also seen some portion of myself in them and thus, I had acquired better understanding of who I am. I was able to relate myself and discover my humanity and it is always a hope for me that my story will also help others in their search for their own humanity, knowing that part of living is to be challenged into entering into our world of discomfort, ‘our crosses.’ That has made writing as one of the bravest things I had ever done in my life, more than any plunge and fall, and twirl in the sky or in Enchanted Kingdom or waves in the ocean. In the process, I discovered precious gems, and thoughts I know I could only arrive at because of God’s overflowing grace and love.

There Shall Be

Now all that I should do is to celebrate
And be better and happier
What’s been done has been done
I should face the now
Accept that we all commit mistakes
This is how it is
And I’d rather chose an imperfect world
That is real
Rather than a perfect space
That is unreal.
It’s alright now
Face the world
Run a race
Compose a song
Write more until tears dry up
Don’t escape, this is the present: this is the time to live.
Don’t dwell in the past,
Don’t be anxious of the future.
Forgive yourself
Remember you should be alright now.
Achieve your dreams…
You’ve gotten friends
You have yourself
You have God
You are strong
You are fine
Look at the moon, then the shining sky
And be pacified
Because after 64 days
There shall be many more days
With him or without him

There shall be...

Paano ba Mag Move-on?

Paano ba magmove-on?
Ano ba? Mag-aala-una na ng madaling araw,
Dilat pa din ang mga mata ko
Pagod naman ako pero malikot talaga ang isip ko…
May naaalala na naman kasi ako

Ano ba? Paano ba mag-move on?
Iuntog ko kaya ang ulo ko?
Ay ayoko nun…
Sayang naman ang inaral kong physics at algebra
Sayang naman ang pangalan kong makakalimutan ko lang…
Sayang naman ang pagbabasa ko ng mga Republic Acts pala…
Ah, idaan ko kaya sa gamot?
Kaso la naman atang gamot para dito, o meron ba pero di ko lang alam?
O kung wala man, dapat may gumawa na nyan…
Sigurado ako kahit magpustahan pa tayo, bebenta talaga yan
Ang alak nga, di naman talaga nakakahilom, pinapatos na lang ng tao,
Para sa kunwa-kunwariang lakas ng loob,
Para sa panandaliang paglimot… Di ba?
Pero seryoso ako, gawin na talaga ang gamot na yan…
Tiyak pagkakaguluhan yan at dadayuhin
Kaliwa’t kanan ang mag-oorder nyan,
Mapapagod ang mga magmamanufacture at nagdi-deliver
Yayaman ang chemist, pharmacist at doctor…
Sa dami ba naman ng mga bigo at sawi sa mundo…
Kaso matagal pa ata yun…
Hay sige, patusin ko na lang muna kung anong meron dito…

Kilala mo ba si Edgar Dale?
Maigoogle nga ulit para di lang pang facebook ang silbi ng wi-fi…
Ayon sa kanyang Cone of Experience,
People generally remember 70% of what they say and write
At ang outcome na yun ang nagbigay ng pundasyon sa cone
Kasi dun daw we, “analyze, define, create and evaluate.”
Nandun ang effective learning. Eureka!
Kaso, may sad news din dun sa cone.
Sabi din dun, people generally remember only 10% of what they read…
Ganun!? 10% lang ng mga pinagsusulat ko dito ang maalala nya
Kalungkot naman, pero teka lang, may karugtong pa pala ang teorya nya…
Kung naranasan daw ng tao through direct purposeful experience,
Maaalala nya yun, 90%! Sana maalala din nya So paano na ulit mag-move on?
Di ko pa din alam eh…
Ang alam ko lang, hindi yun pinipilit kaya papalitan ko na lang ang salita
Kung di ko pa carry yan, eh di go on na lang…
Dahil di tumitigil ang pag-ikot ng mundo
Kaya dapat tuloy pa din ang buhay! 

Go on, aja, eureka, good night este good morning pala! 

Picking up the Pieces

    In Father Sean’s blog and in our Misyon forum, he spoke about the resiliency of Filipinos; of people ‘picking up from pieces and starting again.’ Yesterday, I have seen such both literally and in the deeper meaning of those words. Along the way, we have seen how people started ‘picking up the pieces’ of woods, wires, trees, plants, chairs, clothing, toys, and some documents like notebooks in school and several photographs. We’ve seen how they tried building their houses and fixing their roofs again. We were able to talk with some of them, and if I could think of a theme that really came out from short conversations with them, then that would be starting again. They talked about praying incessantly not just about themselves but for other survivors and victims of Yolanda. The mayor of Cadiz City, Negros Occidental told our group that there were 7000 damaged houses.

    
      Rehabilitation would take time. On our way home, darkness covers the community because there is still no electricity. But it was only the temporary darkness of the night that comes to the people, not their hearts. The people are still filled of light and hope. They know they can stand up again…

      Let us continue praying for those who have been affected by the typhoon especially to those who are in Leyte. We pray for the souls of the dead and for the strength of those they had left behind. Death is really a part of life, hence while we are still alive, we should make the most out of it. Our mission continues. Let us bring hope. Let us help others ‘pick up the pieces.’

My Papa, my Greatest Glory

     In my father’s some moments of depression and then enlightenment too, before he died, I could still recall how he disclosed some of his regrets and frustrations. In my young mind that time, I was able to catch insights which have never left me since then. He shared about how tired he was of being angry with others often and if he would do it again, he will practice more of forgiveness. He spoke about how death could come as a challenge but at the same time opportunity to express love. In my heart, I know it was his deep way of telling me that the most fulfilling life is that of a life lived in showing kindness and love to others, regardless of such kindness and love being returned to you or not. And then I heard him said those words that stayed not just in the surface of my being but even to the core of my soul--- he called me his greatest glory. 

       That was him. When he seemed to lose all the raptures of living, he would only thought about us and he is back to life. All things would suddenly become bearable for him. I miss him and I remember him everyday even its not November 1 or 2, or his birthday, or my birthday which he would really celebrate with all he could ever give, or his death anniversary. I remember him not because of my nickname which is very far from my real name or because he used to bring me to and fetch me from school and carry me when I’m already complaining of walking. I miss him and I remember him in every way I know about him, had felt because of him and has been now because of him. 

       And when flowers, candles, food and prayers are offered today for all the departed souls like his ever-living-soul, I am offering my life and how I am living it and will live it in kindness, forgiveness and love for and with my papa, my greatest glory too…