Excerpt from "How He Marked My Life"

It took me several weeks of feeling empty and lonely before I realized that I had mistaken the attention given of the new soul to being loved. I thought I had been a resilient person;that I was able to process every good and negative thing that had happened to me and so it will not hamper my present and my future anymore. I thought I had been reflecting enough so how could I fall on the same trap and have same wounds again--- though this is not exactly the same wounds because this time it is deeper.

I was wrong to think that there was magic between us. The world did not conspire and it will never be because the new soul is unwilling to act upon solutions. The new soul has only been contented going through the darkness, recognizing the confusion and attempting to express it vaguely and then confused another soul. And then the other soul went through the same darkness, confusion and expression--- as she is unconsciously in need of something that had never been completely processed.The other soul had thought she had only been a listener and just being authentic but in the profounder sense it is more of giving in to her vulnerabilities. It was that sense of seeking and then sense of being needed that draw the souls towards each other but instead of finding meaning and enlightenment, the souls ended up being lost.

It took much time, a good book from Miller, a travel, and a lot of in-depth conversations and reflections for a person like me who was appearing empty and lonely too and who had filled in an unspoken need just to realize that I was already falling in to a form of an enabling-dependent relationship. At the beginning, it felt so good and the grasp of the new kind of could- be- happiness is making the id produce the concept that the feeling is right. But the new soul’s less concern to the effect it had made to the other soul---to my soul--- is simply killing the other and even the realization is causing devastating effects that is aching to the chest, hurting to the ego and dimming to the pathway. And there is no other way now but to trust in the self that it will be stronger and that it will be alright soon; for I know that I have to honestly go through this process if I want true liberation and learning.