And Then and That

As love becomes deepest
Emotions even at their slightest details
Are naturally highlighted
Leaving the lover to just succumb to the feeling
And cruise to that vacuum of hunger and yearning.
I am your lover.
Your imperfect and flawed lover
A lover so human
Can be resilient yet fragile
I am your lover
And I long for you.
Oh, I miss you to the nth time…
But there are just moments
That I don’t want to say ‘I miss you’
Because I found myself missing you more
And this is a terrible kind of missing
A kind of missing that makes me feel empty
A kind of missing that changes the pace of weeks
A kind of missing that leads to teardrops…
But missing you means loving you beyond comparison
And I could only think of all the simile and metaphor I know
But none of them will speak perfectly what I feel
Yet your love makes me seek the solace from poetry
Poetry in its freedom and flexibility
And you are my poem
You are my serendipity
A fulfilled destiny…
And I’ll never leave you
At your side, there shall I be always
You are God’s promise
And in times like this that the pining just becomes strongest and inmost
And sometimes unbearable
I find myself wishing that I can turn me into you
And be exactly where you are
In place and in time
I wish I could just liquefy myself and thaw my heart
And send the vapor instantly and be there sailing in corners and borders
Without being shaken, without fear and helplessness
I hope to just suddenly then become unshakable
Then become the fearless and invincible me…
But I can only be a poet for you
And I can only miss you more and more
And then be your lover forever
That would be everything I can ever be
And that would be my all.

Kwaderno to Advance to the National Finals of Search for TAYO

Kwaderno is among the top 5 organizations that will advance to the National Finals of the Search for Ten Accomplished Youth Organizations (TAYO)! Each time I share the story of Kwaderno's A Child Worker No More and Sponsor a Child Project, I am moved by the possibilities that are now waiting to our children whom we first met as pedicab driver, construction worker, farmer, errand boy, nanny and garbage collector and how they now dream of becoming seafarers, engineers, teachers and social worker. I am moved by how they are now inspiring other children in the community and all of our partners and volunteers. Our impact is God's work and there is something special about Kwaderno that beyond words can explain, something that speaks directly to the soul--- the touched lives, the relationships formed, the hope that is filling each page of our journey, and yes, the love that we have found that has made us one community wherever we are...

Sharing about our "A Child Worker No More and Sponsor A Child Project" that gives scholarship to children workers in Negros Occidental and how we use online and offline networking to raise funds for our scholars 

TAYO 12 Team Visayas Finalists

with Kwaderno volunteers Joey and Jessan 

With other organizations that made it to the top 5

We Live to Love

If there is just one thing that the world needs so that it will be at its best, so that there will be peace and understanding, so that a beautiful future is assured to the younger generation, then that would be nothing else but love. This world needs love because the reason why there are people who suffer, who feel lonely, who are poor and helpless is not just an economical thing. There is a hunger of love and such can only be filled by acts of love alone.

True love yields goodness. It yields hope and bigger dreams. It gives a different meaning and feeling even to sacrifices. We experience life the moment we love our neighbors, ourselves, and even our enemies. We live to share our talents and our gifts to others and to the world. We live to love.

May all of us be reminded of this most important commandment and may we find the beauty on it. Though it would require us to do something, to give something or give up something, love should not just be seen as a responsibility. Rather, it should also be seen as a privilege. To be able to know how to love is the best experience ever because it has the power to transform you at your best.

http://notebooksforlife.blogspot.com/

One Minute Poetry

And I feel dead 

Waiting for words from you

And I just can’t breathe 

When I feel your absence

I long for you so much

More than I ever long to anyone else

More than I long to people combined

I am crazier than the craziest

So anxious of when the moon 

Or the waves and the stars

Would send me something from you…

Oh heart please just freeze for a while

Don’t think, don’t feel

Just hope and pray

Just let faith overpower you

And let love be in control…

Loving the Rain

     In all of my prayers, you are always there. I thank the Lord because your path meets mine in the rightest time for both of us, and though we started feeling wounded, anxious, unprepared strangers, God's hands has been working in us. Your coming and the impact that you have been making and the extent of participation I would like you to take in my life continuously surprise me. I did not expect this to happen. I am not expecting to really love this much, to miss this much, to long this much. You are heaven's surprise to me. Because of you, love suddenly has its purest and truest meaning--- a love that heals, a love that trusts, a love that dreams, a love that does concrete actions, a love that waits, a love that aims for nothing else but the best, a love that multiplies joy... 

      I thought I will never get to write things about love again, except pain or deception, or heartaches. I thought I have nothing else to say about romantic stuff except no. But you came, and then made me realize that what I know about love is not yet love. But you came, and just unleashed the strength in me, and I suddenly want to jump into the risk, and say yes without doubt. Because of you, I am finding the words I am saying now. And for sure, if I didn't find you, these words will never be weaved together; they will just be empty words---though they mean something, yet they wouldn't mean what they mean now. Each word I had used and been telling you since last time are words that will now have a deeper meaning to us, a connection that will bind us, something that both our souls will just understand.. the rain, the moon, the oceans, the love, fun, first and last and the rest are words that will now have meaning that speaks to us in the same manner. The language of love, that is... And words that have been repeated each time shall continually have more intense meaning and will live on and be nurtured by acts, by words, by thoughts, and prayers...

Roller Coaster

It was already more than a year ago since I have written this poem but each time I find myself reading this, I could still have the exact emotions all over again...Thanks to words and to the flexible beauty of poetry.

They say that life is like a roller coaster ride

And I agree

With all its curves, ups and downs…

An analogy of life’s happiness and tears, success and failures.

And then all the forwards and the backwards…

Just like the risks you take in your journey and how they could change you…

It’s a ride that you could jerk around from side to side too,

And you feel the pain—But you care not

For you know that you are having a different kind of fun…

A ride that is dynamic and thrilling

And though it’s a track with a designed pattern—

You still won’t know how it feels to be in the loops and inversions unless you are really there.

It’s something that is unique for you based on how you experience it—

Just like life.

In that roller coaster ride, you seem to be so free.

You screamed.

 You raised your hands up high.

Yes, you are free— you thought you are— until you look within and realized you are restrained…

Yes, just like life.

And I had always think life and love to be inseparable…

And to be more exact, even synonymous

That they are one and the other won’t exist without the other…

And so applying some logic, then, love is like a roller coaster ride too…

But I don’t want love to be like that roller coaster ride…

I don’t want the waiting to be longer than the actual moment…

I don’t want to be suddenly placed in the highest possible post

And then be dragged down in a split of seconds…

I don’t want to feel as though I am being headed forward

and though I am not totally certain—

I just can’t resist it…

For I enjoyed it. I loved it. I did.

I don’t want love to be like that roller coaster ride—

That when you seem to be enjoying the thrust already

You’ll then find yourself being moved backwards…

Yes, I expected it, but I’m still shocked…

Perhaps it’s the result of the ‘foolish me’

And there’s that twirl again of confusion

And though you have no wounds in the outside

You know how shaky you are within,

You know that battles are unceasingly launched inside you,

You know you are not in control—

And all you can do is let yourself be carried along by that chair that keeps you moving…

You were silenced a little bit by the thought that you are being headed somewhere

For you had been used of being anxious each time you feel that you are not moving…

But you, one day realized that there was really no movement at all from you and for you—

You only flow as to where the wind leads you…

A very fast journey, that’s the roller coaster ride…

And there you were— you ended up in the same place

Back to where you started the jaunt…

But again, I don’t want it that way, but is there something that I can do?

Something to do aside from going through the what-seems-like-hell-process…?

I think it’s tragic to love someone and then coming to the point of having to stop

Just like how roller coaster brought you back—

You have to turn that person an acquaintance or stranger again, for you to end up your illusion,

Fix your mistakes

Do the right thing…

And not complicate things.

There I was, voicing out the feelings— but still empty.

Yes, the foolish me…

That roller coaster— that has trembled all your sanities,

Would have to ask you down— though you are still unprepared to stand…

And so you don’t know where and how to exit…

You thought you are used to that— but poor foolish you, you’re not…

Pain is still killing you…

But you have to try to find your strength and be back to your senses

Would you need an ice cream or what? Would you need the darkness or pinching music?

Or find other things to hurt you?

Oh, what now?

Push yourself, get down the stairs, and take some steps—

Ride a jeep, do your research output… Oh, I don’t know…

But please, just take some steps…

The roller coaster ride is over…

It’s over.

And it’s hard to explain that something painful has transpired…

They ask you this. They ask you that.

You chose to be silent, tired of trying to find words—

Oh, it’s just hard to find words…

Because you’ve got no scars that you can show to them after that ride…

Yes, no visible scars…

Only tears which you can easily wipe and dry,

And only the heart that has been smashed again…

Smashed into pieces again…

Siquijor: It's Bewitching me

  

      It was the glow of the fireflies that has made the Spanish colonizers before called Siquijor as the ‘Isla de Fuego’ or Island of Fire. But they were really right. Siquijor is really glowing, with all the magic in it—in places and in people. 

       When you travel to find healing, let whatever pain you have had remain as pain that has once shaken you but will no longer cause you suffering in the present. Life has billions of other wonderful things to offer each time and let every sunrise be your assurance of new beginnings. God will never waste our tears. At times, we are hurt to be blessed more and to discover what could even be stronger, lovelier and fruitful--- what could be more authentic and everlasting. Wounds should be seen not as scars anymore, but wisdom now. Siquijor is an ideal place to meditate with its historical churches like the St. Francis of Assisi Church and the San Isidro Labrador Church and Convent, one of the country’s oldest and largest spiritual structures.

   Salagdoong Beach is located in a cove and the view of the shore makes it even relaxing. 

        

        Cambugahay Falls features shallow multi-tiered waterfalls, perfect for those who want to take some dip, and for brave souls, you can also try doing a “tarzan jump.”

           And of course, to get the taste of the mystical side of Siquijor, don’t forget to find your way to this ancient balete tree which has strange spring that emanates from the base and flows straight into a man-made pool. The water is clean and with fish swimming in it, one can instantly enjoy an instant foot spa. 

       With stories about folk healing traditions and beautiful spots to experience and build memories with, this island in Central Visayas, has more reasons that is bewitching me, making me forget even for a while, the worries of the world. 

Pamamaalam

Ating binuksan noon

Sa hindi man sabay na pagkakataon

Ngayon ay ating sasarhan

At di na muling babalikan

Ang luhang paulit-ulit na pumatak

Ay bahagi lamang ng ating katapusan

Lahat ay nasaktan na

Kaya kung sa pamamaalam 

May mga pusong hihilum

Yayakapin ko ang paglimot

At walang bakas ng kahit anong alaala

Ang sa aki'y matitira

Hanggang sa ikaw ay di ko na kilala...

sa Mambukal, Negros Occidental 

sa Subic Bay, Olongapo 

His Children's Hero

The journey from the hinterlands of barangay Sanke, Hinoba-an, Negros Occidental, to the village proper by the sea, was like a Sunday get-together for the Layan family. Tatay Hermenio was with five of his five children, his wife, pregnant with their seventh child staying at home. Our Kwaderno team was set to have notebook distribution at 9 am that 25th day of May but Tatay Hermenio was already there before 7am. To get there, the Layans had to pass by several mountains, cross a river and then walk about an hour.

It wasn’t just for the notebooks that his children would be receiving that day. Tatay Hermenio had a deeper purpose, I could sense it in his eyes. I could see that for the education of his children, he would do anything.

The family of Sanke’s barangay captain served breakfast to the Layan Family, knowing that they had had a long and difficult journey. Eleven-year-old Chona, the eldest among them was interviewed by Irene, one of our volunteers. Chona was shy but she responded to the questions politely. There was a certain glow in her eyes when she shared that her happiest moment was when she received a service award in their school this last year. In June this year started in Grade Five. She was excited to start the school year as she has recognized that there are so many things to be learned in school.

Chona at her young age understands that her family is struggling to make ends meet. Her father works as a farmer while her mother is a laundry woman. Chona helps on the farm and in the house the best she can. While other children of her age are holding dolls, Chona is holding a trowel. While others are having summer fun at the beach, she is planting crops under the heat of the sun. In the wet season they plant corn and in the dry season they plant rice.

Chona’s siblings were listening intently to the interview. Though they didn’t say anything, their eyes, hands, skin and feet spoke of the same story.

Chona wants to be a teacher someday.

Irene, a Kwaderno core group member, interviews Mang Hermenio and his children.

While sipping my morning coffee, I decided to engage in an informal chat with Tatay Hermenio. I thanked him for accompanying his children. Though I didn’t put any question to him he started sharing something that almost made me break into tears. He said he regretted not being able to learn how to read and write. He would only place his thumb mark when he needed to sign documents. His own life is a testimony to how difficult life is when one is illiterate. When his children started reading and writing, he couldn’t explain how happy he was. He wants them to have a bright future-- a life beyond what the plantations can offer, a life different from what he has endured.

Despite his lack of education, Tatay Hermenio did something very remarkable in his community. The children had to endure a difficult journey to school having to ford the river and pass through muddy and slippery trails. This was something that he thought could be solved by a hanging bridge. It would make things easier for the students, especially his own children, to reach school. He spoke to the community leaders and discussed the need for such a bridge - one was then constructed.

Tatay Hermenio ever fails to teach his children the value of caring for each other. I observed this in his daughter Chona. When they were invited to the breakfast table, she made sure her younger siblings finished eating first. She has developed the habit of caring for them and prioritizing them at every meal. Unlike other children whom we had difficulty in asking about their dreams, Chona clearly knows what she wants to be. She said that her father would always remind them to dream big. Chona dreams of becoming a teacher someday. This dream was planted in her heart not just for her own self. It is a dream that she has for other children as well, so that they will persevere in their studies and then discover their dreams too.

My own parents did not finish their education and this contributed to our poverty. Hence, at a young age, I promised myself that I would strive hard so that I could finish college. Education for me is something personal and so I am taking it as one of my life advocacies. I believe that everyone should be given access to it and that the children should be properly guided and ushered to reach their dreams. Tatay Hemenio inspired and affirmed me greatly that day as we distributed notebooks to the rest of the children in Barangay Sanke. I never thought that our simple activity would reveal to me something beautiful about the importance of a father’s love and heroism. Tatay Hermenio’s dedication to his children is what makes them believe there is a brighter future waiting to be seized.

This is also published in the July-August 2014 issue of Misyon.

Possibilities and Responsibilities

   Education entails sacrifices. But each drop of those temporary sacrifices will always be worth it. It will reward us with so many learning, so many experiences, so many friendships and so many possibilities. But it will also reveal to us greater responsibilities. Education is not just finishing a course but it is a process--- processes that liberate us, and make us reflect and be motivated to see and work out things in a different lens. We could go out into the world as someone with a master’s degree but what is the use of that if we are not doing things to be of impact to the larger classroom, to our family and to our relationships, to our advocacies, and to our society. May the added initials we earned now inspire us to commit to total human development the ASI way. May our goal not just be limited to us and to our circle, but may we leave this world even better...

with fellow ASI Graduates

With Dhitz, my aunt, my mother and Juvelyn

    To all who prayed for me, supported me, inspired me, and journeyed with me, thank you so much!!! ♥ This is our shared success...

Say Yes to Him

    Saying yes to God is the best decision we can ever have in our life. The moment we allow ourselves to be used by Him, He will be making things and circumstances so that we can be helping hands to others. He will be touching a lot of people so that it would be possible for us to become an initiator, or an enabler or a guide. It is Him who will turn us facilitators, advocates, and mediators. He will make us teachers, social workers, missionaries, doctors, writers, friends, and families. Anything and everything will always be possible through Him and with Him. 

     

     God’s love is a kind of love that will show and lead us to share and then to love others. This is something I experience again with the birth of this simple Kwaderno project done with and made possible with people whom also God has touched so that they will be saying ‘yes’ as well. 

The children and their notebooks, with me, Ms. Anne and the barangay captain 

The Notebooks
Kwaderno means notebook 

      Every start of the school year, a child in a public school in the Philippines would need eight notebooks. In depressed and poor areas in the country, this need is already hard to meet as food and survival would be the priority of parents and guardians. Last May 2, 2014, we were able to provide a set of notebooks to some pupils of Barangay Sanke, Hinobaan, Negros Occidental, with the help of generous sponsors. We will be back to the area this 25th of May again, and after God has touched so many people, we will be bringing enough notebooks for 600 children!

      When my frailties as a human would make me think that reaching out to many children would be an ambitious and unrealistic project, there God was and here now, making it clearer and clearer to me and to us each day, that what we our thinking of is something within reach. There God was and here now, embracing me and all of us, together with these children, so that through this simple act which began with our dreams, we will truly experience Him. And so henceforth, I am welcoming even bigger dreams, and my yes to God will be even louder... 

To You

Come and face the sun

Don't fear your own shadow.

The universe owes to you nothing

But to it you owe a lot.

The glory of the lights and clouds

Show the Lord's amazing power...

The power beyond description

The power that makes us stay alive

The power that lead the sky to meet the ocean
And the trees to kiss the ground...

The power I strongly feel inside.

And I come and face You now

And I raise my hands

My rebirth, my hope

My peace, my love

To You, I offer my journey

To You, I entrust my all...

Bantug Lake Ranch 

Reaching out to Calagnaan Island

With the Philippine National Police-Region VI team loading the galvanized iron sheets

Reaching Calagnaan Island

the young, dedicated teachers of Barangcalan Elementary School

Much thanks to the Filipino community in Malta for sending us the funds

      Who would have thought that in this beautiful Calagnaan Island in Carles, Iloilo, students are still studying under the scorching heat of the sun? Who would have thought that this inviting island is an island filled with survival stories from the people--- for when and after Yolanda came, they were left to eat fallen coconuts and bananas; they had wet clothes; they were left with damaged boats and nets, destroyed houses, roofless school buildings and of course, traumas?

Children having their classes

Fr Ron leading the prayer and the activities for the children

   

    When we arrived after long and challenging boat rides, we were welcomed by the smiles of the people, the children and the teachers. We were welcomed by much insights and deep impression. I am really so proud of the students because despite financial difficulties and the limitations of their classrooms, they were still so eager to learn, and I must say that their stories will be inspiring many students and parents. I am so proud of the teachers because of their dedication to teach and for the noble sacrifices that they would have to bear just to be with their students. I am proud of the entire community, for helping one another so that they can move on in life with optimism and unwavering faith. I am proud of all those people who made this outreach possible, to those who sent the funds, to those who made the links and the transfer of the materials possible, to those who taught songs and dances, to the hands that got wounded, to the skins that were burned, to the bodies that got tired, to the spirits that were filled with joy and love… We did these all together, and we are touched to do more. This is how we are welcoming summer 2014...

Giving some school supplies for the children

With Misyon Staff Bessie and Assistant Editor Anne

Welcoming Summer 2014

Run and before you know it

       Just as the start of this week, I made another commitment to myself. I said I will be embracing my first ever sports when I was still in grade school: running. And guess what, later will be my fourth day of doing it straight!

       There is something in running that makes it so special. It is not only exceedingly beneficial to our body and to our mind but also in our spirit. Just when I started running again, new circle of friends, as well as newer knowledge and perspectives, newer way of combating stress, newer way of balancing time and newer dreams and visions came in.                  

       

With running buddy Charmaine and coach Narz

Day 2 Training at Bacolod City, New Government Center

       But if there’s another way that I would describe running, then, it would be something about really doing the actual run for you to be able to say that you really experience it. You cannot run by simply watching. You cannot run unless you move and lift your foot next to the other. It is on the process of listening to the beat of your heart and getting your back and your face wet of your own perspiration, that you encountered that feeling of becoming more energized and more focused. You came across the need for discipline. You realized that you should stay motivated. You found the value of dedication and endurance in the process, and before you know it, there you are, enjoying all the wonderful things life has to offer for you because you live longer, healthier and happier. 

with Cris, Joven and Lea

Fun Run at Mall of Asia, Pasay

Back to my Soul

    As I took another eight-hour trip back home from Cebu, I realized that I had momentarily lost my sense of time. I was so engaged with what I was I doing: reflecting. It was something I have to do to finish my thesis about the journey of the former beneficiaries of Holy Family Home-Bacolod, though reflecting has become a part of my life. It is something that sounds so simple yet had been giving me difficult and painful moments.In some parts of the process, I found myself praying, sleeping, thinking, crying and then laughing. It was emotions felt on the extreme poles.I thought it was an escape but a deeper thought of it made me realize that I am not escaping, but rather embracing the here and the now. The journey has taken me to a different world: a world which has made me become more aware of my reality and the realities of the people I have met along the way.

    I tried to look for a calendar, but I failed to find one. My phone’s battery was empty. I looked all around me but all I see was tall trees in a zigzag road. I was hungry and it seemed that all I have was only me. It was dark outside but I felt a sense of security because the bus was continuously moving. That was so me: someone who is so afraid to remain stagnant, someone who always want to keep going and someone who is always so enthusiastic to throw myself in somewhere different or new. It was the kind of me that made me feel tired at times, but it was the same kind of me that made me know many people and places beyond faces, beyond names, beyond one period of time.

     That was a journey of going back to my soul. Subsequently, the journey of going through myself has taught me an important realization about who I am. I am not all like what I had taught to be I was. Removing another mask, there is also another me who can find consolation and freedom from being in solitary and still moments. Taking away what I have and who I think I am, I am still a child of God. God’s power is behind my growth and anything and everything in me and about me. There is a part of me who just continuously bloom though I remain in the same space. There is a part of me who can brave visiting the past in order to appreciate the present and then discover the so many possibilities of the future.

     This phenomenological process has a transformative effect to me. It is not all the time that we can hear such true stories of moving forward despite all the heartaches and brokenness. The narratives I had gathered and reflected upon are immortal. These narratives are source of inspiration and learning. These are our testimonies of courage, faith, hope and love. Our journey is a journey of blessing and empowering one another.It is a journey worth taking and worth telling in words and even in dreams. Our journey is a journey of risks and responsibilities, resonating common themes yet uniquely woven by the hands of our Maker Himself. These are journeys worth reflecting for.

Photo by: Rose Victoria

     We may lose the exact name of time or seasons in our journey, just like what happened to me now; or chose to leave behind some aspects of it but we will never totally forget the memories and the learning. Our set of individual, collective and intertwining journeys are meant to make us more human. They are meant to change us for the better and so we are all resolved to continue journeying knowing that there are always something new to learn, unlearn or relearn and mask, unmask or re-mask each time. We will continue to audaciously grow from our sorrows and joy. We will move, run, sit, crawl, and kneel if we have too. We will love. We will live. We will not give up.

Growing in Faith

    It is in the actual encounters of living that we discover the many realities and thousand possibilities there are. In life, we are being taught by others, by our experiences and then by our own self how to journey with whatever we have and whoever we are--- our resources, our skills, the significant people in our lives, and then most of all, our faith so that we can keep on going no matter what.

    Plants have beautiful stories of growing.Their needs must be sufficiently met but even though we left them behind at times, they just have natural way of growing. The sunlight, the wind and the rain are God’s ways of taking care of them. When we look around us, we see their beauty and then a grand showcase of how God would support so many lives.

Cebu City, Philippines

    Whether the plants don’t get enough or they get too much, they still continue to give in something to the earth even though they consume so little space-in a piece of land or in a clay pot or in a tin can, they just keep on growing.

    It is in a more exciting and amazing way that we, human beings grow too. We are faced with many changes and challenges. Some are nurtured well by our parents, our caretakers, our friends,our mentors and other significant people around us. Some experienced neglect,abandonment and betrayal and it would take real experiences of love for healing to take place. Love has special way of making people care and give. It has a special way of making people understand things, even if it seems to be confusing or hard to digest. It has a special way of making people share some sunlight, or some water or some space. It has a special way of nurturing our faith.

    Our story of growing is also a story of our relationship with God. There may be many distractions or frustrations that we have to bear in life, but if we never turn our path away from God we will successfully overcome anything and everything. Our faith grows when we recognize the fact that we have never been through any battle alone. God is always there for us, in every step of our growth. It is because of Him that we find joy in serving our purpose. It is through Him and with Him that we learn how to care, co-exist, and then love one another. It is through Him that we can blossom like plants.

Misgivings

Here's another beautifully crafted poem written by Anonymous Ken. 

In your silence I speak my mind

What you've lost I can find

Shut me out and you can hear me

Close your eyes, it is I you see.

In your thoughts hear me shout

What your life is all about

Of real hearts, all can lie

Painful sobs, your lullaby.

In your mind you betray

Your loyal self, your dismay

Have you gone off the edge

Broken self, broken pledge.

Hear me laugh in the night

As you close your eyes tight

In the dark, you're not spared

For your sins are all bared.

With yourself, you argue

Why great things they've left you

Barren, fertile hearts can go

Deserts even may soon snow.

Misgivings!

Damned misgivings!

Misgivings hurt the soul

The body takes the toll.

When will slaves be freed

From their hearts of greed?

Court yourself bring it to justice

Change your deeds, what you practise

Leave the pack and find your head

For with them you are dead.

Misgivings!

Burnt misgivings!

Take a break from your hell

Even you, you can tell

How you hide from the truth

Mask yourself with your youth!

Misgivings!

Sly misgivings!

Die tonight in your mask

To yourself you shall ask:

Have I led a decent life

Was sin ever my sole wife?

Did I leave a friend to hang

Did I push him to a tang?

Did I fail to shine my light

With a friend who was my might?

Misgivings!

Shrewd misgivings!

In Water

     It is a joy to feature this poem of a brilliant man, whose works never fails to amaze me. His metaphors and ways of connecting words and ideas would always make me reflect more. Works such as this shows one special and irrefutable thing - that there is soul in writing...

 In Water
By: Anonymous Ken

In lakes it can be still, in rivers the water falls
My hopes all surge from springs, the water sends some calls
I am a little cloud by lagoons I'm softly cradled
I'm running with the wind, all free, untamed, unbridled.

I am a little brook tiptoeing in the forest
A silent shrill my voice declaring love so earnest
But I can be a pond and peaceful I can be
Be glad to have some ripples, the ones that all can see.

And I can be a harbor with boats and ships in sight
Adorned by architecture and crowned with kinds of light.
Yes I can be a marsh, quite graceful but mysterious
Unsure what evil lurks, quite eerie, even vicious.

I'll be an oasis, in deserts I shall quench you
Or I can be a swamp, in forests you shall run through.
Shall I just be a stream which hopes to meet the sea
In deltas I can scream, so happy I can be!

I can be an inlet, so humble and obscure
Of waters I quiet, so simple and demure.
But I think I shall ask, this one important question
Can I just be a sea in the middle of an ocean?

Taken at Bangui, Ilocos Norte

Water above me
Water below me
Water around me
Water inside me.

Even my sorrows are washed away with water
As they escape from the windows of my soul
As I am cleansed when I do falter
My brokenness to be made whole.

Engulfed I was in sacred womb
In water I attained this life
Engulfed I'd be, my holy tomb
When water ends my strife.

Water above me, water below me
All goodness it shall rain
Water around me, water inside me
I vow to drown disdain.

Water above me, water below me
I cast my beating heart
Water around me, water inside me
Death is one holy art.

For love is but a series of deaths we don't imagine
And deaths are all beginnings of love, one pure contagion
In love we die each day, reborn to forge our death
In water can't take, the glory of one breath.

But water all we are, around us we are found
Convoluted and bizarre so funny it may sound
In water we shall live, in water we shall die
In water we decay, in water we shall fly!

Water above me
Water below me
Water around me
Water inside me. — in Bangui.

How We will Say Goodbye

And the hour moved into a day
And then that day to days
Then into weeks and months
And later on, yes, surely, for years
That would be how we will say goodbye
Because for you
There's no other way
But to hit me right to my nose
And then silence me
With your silence...

Our Stories

     One thing I like about revisiting my own childhood is the chance of possessing again the vitality and innocence of being a child---the excitement and the fantasies. In my childhood fantasies, I had dreamt of coming up with inventions that would change the future. In my childhood fantasies, I had wished of living during the time when countries and most islands were not yet discovered, so that I would spend my life navigating the globe, discovered those places and then name them after me, and after people I love. In my childhood fantasies, I had imagined myself becoming invisible whenever I wanted, so that when I needed to escape from my simple mistakes, I could just do so instantly. Gone were my childhood days and perhaps my childhood fantasies had also flown away. I realized that the world is far different from movies and fantasy books. We could not just move things with a magic wand. If we want to get somewhere else, we should travel. If we want to be freed from our mistakes, we should face the consequences of our actions. We should learn how to keep on moving despite our fears and weaknesses. We should seek for strength and wisdom in reflection, in loving and in prayers.

     But along the way too, I realized that such ‘fantasy worlds’ and perhaps juices of our creativity are just there with us still, though they are taking into their realistic forms. They are just somehow sleeping in some corners of our being, waiting to be triggered again so that they can come out once more. And I am just glad that the seeds of being imaginative remained intact in me because with it, comes the hope of making extra-ordinary things. Though, what I could create in my lifetime is something that could not astonish the world, it could at least inspire some. Every day we are actually producing something original, and extra-ordinary: that is our story. When we dream of beautiful stories for ourselves, for others and for the world, we should exert our efforts too in making them real. With faith and persistence, we will soon find ourselves looking back on how we have brought our childhood dreams, our thoughts and desires into life. Every day, we create our story. These are stories which we can write, stories which we can share, stories which can inspire, and stories which could teach us and anyone else. These stories are stories of our past, celebration of our present and hope for our future. These stories are stories that glorify God’s presence in our lives.

Becoming Twenty-Three

Twenty three years ago
In the island of Negros
Came into this world
A fragile child.
Few minutes missed
Could be her end
But she got some mission
And thus, she must live.
And meet people
From different places
And from various times

And then discover dreams
And turn them real.
And then that so called love,
She gave and received
And there shall be more to be done
More souls to be touched
More adventures and stories
That she will take and write
Cause God is always with her
And one does not turn twenty three
For nothing...

Choosing Death

We are much smarter than this
Much stronger and wiser than this
But we decided not to.

This is not anymore about the circumstances
Nor the past or the feeling
But of our choices…

You chose to shut me off
I chose to try to give up
But it seemed like you choosing to abandon me
And it seemed like me choosing my own death.

Yeah I know, because there is no love
But why not respect at least be there?
Respect to make you listen
Respect to make you more concerned…

To end this cold turkey…
That’s all you know
That’s all you’re so used to do…

I wonder how you can stand this
While here I am
Still crawling to survive
For me to learn the ways
You are teaching me.

Has this been working for you ever since?
Has this been working for others?
Or will the earth just swallow me now?
Or put me in another life,
In another time…

A fragile friendship
Sugar coated in special codes and names
A fragile friendship
Filled with broken promises
A fragile friendship
With tragic end
That’s what we had chosen to.

Photo taken in Bolinao, Pangasinan

Embrace me, 2014

Goodbye 2013
With all your glories
Laughter and thrill
All the heartbreaks and music
The loss and the gain
Oh, see, hard times don’t last long
But I’m taking bits though
Of what I can have from your 364 days
To cherish and grow from and with
And they shall be mine until I die.
I don’t own those places
Only the memories
And they are enough.
I don’t own the circumstances
But I own my reflection
My dreams, my plans
I own forgiveness.
I own courage.
I don’t own people
But I had learned with them
And discovered experiences and feelings because of them
And I am loving them forever
And I am keeping them in my heart
And yes, I want to know new of them too
And I trust your ways of how you bring my path to theirs
And that excites and humbles me...
And I don’t own words
But from them, I’m spreading the message
Of essence and service
Of hope and peace...
The message of new beginning
Of finding happiness and freedom
While re and co-creating the cosmos
Through the perfect love of Jesus.

 Welcome 2014
With open arms and wandering soul
I am embracing you, gift of time
I am embracing you 2014…
Make me laugh, make me cry
Make me tender, but make me strong
Make me what you want me to be
Make me live more for myself and others.
Welcome 2014
Make me a mirror of love to the world
And day after day, make me fall in love
Here I am, I am embracing you
Make me love more, 2014
I am embracing you
Embrace me too…